Warning: Complete Breakdown Ahead

I don't want to sound like a negative Nancy, but I've got to let this out. You don't have to read it, you don't have to comment. I just need to vent. I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown. Not the sobbing, depressed kind, but the maniacal, hysterical kind. I am completely and utterly overwhelmed with life right now. I'm not depressed or anything like that. I'm just STRESSED. I'm gonna list the reasons why:

1) School- OMG we have so much busy work to get done. In fact, tomorrow I have 2 case studies and an article review due for 1 class. Not to mention an assignment that was due tonight that I didn't turn in. I haven't even STARTED on any of them. I'm slacking BIG TIME. Lately I haven't even been turning assignments in on time. I know the ones I can turn in late without consequences so I wait until the last possible minute then half-ass them and turn them in. I haven't skipped any classes yet, but I seriously consider it everyday.

2) Clinic- Ok, clinic really is easy. It's probably the highlight of my school life right now. But it's still stressful because I have a TON of paperwork to do. Right now I have 5 SOAP notes (which are basically session summary reports) to turn in by Friday at noon. To do 2 of those, I have to watch the videos of my sessions. I also have to email one of my client's parents with reminders for what they need to be doing.

3) Summer school- UGH. I'm stressing out about it because no one really knows what's going on.

4) THESIS- I have been working on my thesis since the beginning of the semester and am still right where I started. My thesis mentor is NO HELP AT ALL. She basically told me she didn't know what to do and referred me to another professor in a different department. That other professor never got back with me. So here I am, on my own. Anytime I ask my mentor a question, she never even answers it, but sort of dances around it. I was talking to one of my clinic supervisors about it and he told me I would basically have to shoulder more responsibility than most thesis students have to. Today, I almost had a mini-breakdown when talking to my old advisor about my thesis. She helped me more in 5 minutes than my thesis mentor has helped me in 3 months. So now, I have to start meeting with her on the side to get some real help. Also, since I'm on the thesis track, I have to register for the thesis class (which is not really a class) each semester until I'm finished. In addition to that, I have to take 2 electives on top of the regular program courses. Everyone else has to take these electives too, but until I'm finished with my thesis, I can't take the electives because that would put me with an overload of hours and they don't allow that. So basically, I'll be graduating in July of 2010 when the rest of my class (except the other 2 thesis students) will be graduating in May 2010. My thesis mentor said there is no way around that, but my old advisor said she would find a way. I really hope she can.

5) Externships- We're starting to make decisions about what setting we want to do first (school or medical) and what location we prefer. It's such a big decision. I have to make sure I'm ready to handle whichever one I choose. I chose school because I think it'll be easier and I'm more comfortable there. I'm already stressing out about it.

6) Money- I know I have loans and I can get more, but it freaks me out to see my bank account dwindling without ever bringing more in (except for the big loan checks, but I know I have to pay all that back plus some). It scares me that I won't be able to have another job until I get my for real, big girl job. Thank GOD SLPs make decent money. I've applied for one scholarship, but I don't think it's much money. I have another scholarship application due on Monday and I haven't had time to work on it. I'm dreading writing another essay on why I want to pursue grad school, because at the moment I'm not even sure why.

7) Family- No worries, Mom and Dad, this isn't really a BAD stress. I consider myself lucky to be away from Maysville right now. There is so much drama going on with my family we could easily be in a soap opera (except for the fact that no one has been in a coma, although I believe a certain husband of a certain aunt might be in one if Mom gets a hold of him). I still worry about my family constantly, especially since I won't be there over the summer to help out.

8) Social life- Well, not too much to stress out about here other than the fact that I don't have one. I live for my weekends with Katie and Megan. That and the thought of Megan living here this summer is what keeps me going. Outside of once a month visits with Katie and Megan, I have no social life. I barely even talk to Alison unless it's about who's going to take the trash out and whether the rent got paid. I can't wait to have Megan to talk to and have fun with this summer.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm feeling better already so I'm going to stop. I know that none of this is really that bad. It could be a lot worse. I'm just so overwhelmed, particularly with school. I need to figure out a way to get back on track and stop being such a slacker. Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, and I can't wait for the weekend!!! I'm totally pumped and promise to leave all of this negative energy in Richmond.

P.S. As I was writing this, I was constantly distracted by the shadow on my wall of a huge moth that's stuck in my light fixture.