%^&* SCHOOL

WARNING: I need to vent. Yes, Katie, you have to read this whole thing because I haven't told you all of it and won't tell you on the phone. There will be a quiz next time I talk to you.

For the first time in my life, I HATE school...I hate it! I'm not entirely sure when this hatred began. I think it's been growing since this summer, but really came to a head at the end of last semester. Let me backtrack.

Over the summer, I did speech camp and therapy every morning then had classes every afternoon. It was a lot to handle, but that wasn't even the bad part. My dreaded thesis is what started the hatred. I worked HARD to get my introduction and literature review done by July 24th. I spent countless hours in the library and countless more sitting on the living room floor with books on autism spread all around me. I submitted my 20-page rough draft on Thursday, July 23rd- one day before my deadline. I had been told that a good literature review is about 20 pages. When I submitted it, I was told that it was "a good start." I was enfuriated. After meeting with my thesis advisor, I was told not to worry about submitting my proposal to the IRB (Institutional Review Board) until I had a strong introduction and lit. review (meaning, not until after I'd edited my rough draft).

Skip to last semester. Last semester was HELL. I struggled to adjust to student teaching all day and being a student all night. I was taking two online classes, student teaching, and trying to have a life. I had family drama, stitches, and the swine flu. My thesis was the furthest thing from my mind, not that I could have worked on it without edits from my advisor. Finally, at the end of the semester, I met with her to discuss my thesis. I told her that I didn't feel like I could go any further without her feedback. This was on a Friday. She told me that she would have it back to me by the following Tuesday. I checked the following Wednesday, and it was still not in my clinic mailbox...same thing on Thursday...then again on Friday. I had a breakdown over something completely unrelated while in the halls of Wallace. She saw me and the first thing she said to me was "You don't have to do your thesis. It's not too late to back out." I told her that I wasn't crying over my thesis and she said "Well, I hope everything works out" and walked away. She didn't mention my edits at all. I stopped by her office and I emailed her about the corrections. Still, nothing. I went all through Christmas break without hearing from her. Finally, during the last part of my break, I emailed her again with no response. I decided I couldn't wait on her any longer and emailed another professor for help. That professor emailed me back with a fully edited copy of my thesis within 2 days. So, 6 months later, I finally had some feedback.

This semester: The very first day of school, I had to be on campus. I ran into my thesis advisor and she FINALLY gave me the corrections. This was three weeks ago. In the meantime, I've been driving to and from Corbin everyday. I leave my house at 6:30 in the morning and generally don't get home until 6:30 at night with the exception of a few slow days. In addition to my externship, I'm taking two classes and trying to work on my thesis. I work from the minute I get home until right before I go to bed (except on Tuesdays when I watch Biggest Loser). I desperately need a break, but the end is in sight.

Two weeks ago, I was on campus to ask about reimbursement for mileage. I was talking with Dr. MB and she brought up my thesis. She asked where I was on it and whether I had completed my IRB proposal. I explained EVERYTHING to her and she basically told me to take matters into my own hands. She also told me that I needed to call a committee meeting. My plan was to work on my edits and schedule a meeting in a few weeks. Last week, I saw another one of my committee members. She also mentioned that I needed to set up a meeting within the next couple weeks. So last week, MB emailed me basically saying that since I wasn't scheduling the meeting, she would. Rather than look like a slacker, I emailed everyone about the meeting. We got everything set up and I thought I was ready to roll. I've been working hard on finishing edits and wrapping up what I need to have done before my meeting. Today, I got an email (forwarded to the rest of the committee) from my thesis advisor saying that she is looking forward to reading my manuscript and my IRB proposal. She also sent an email (just to me) saying that I needed to have them both turned in to her by tomorrow night so that she can look over them before the meeting. I promptly emailed her back and told her that she had told me not to do the IRB yet, so it wasn't done. I explained that I could work on it though. She sent an email back, sounding a little pissed saying that she would send a correction to the committee about the IRB. She also said that we needed to communicate before sending an email to the whole committee.

What was I supposed to do? MB would have scheduled the meeting if I didn't. My advisor is just holding me back anyway. I think this meeting is a way of moving things forward. There's no need to meet with just her when I can meet with everyone and get insight from all of them. I'm aggravated and just want to do it all myself without having to worry about going through them. I'm sure she feels like I'm stepping on her toes or going over her head or whatever, but it's MY thesis and damnit, I want to graduate in May.