%^&* SCHOOL

WARNING: I need to vent. Yes, Katie, you have to read this whole thing because I haven't told you all of it and won't tell you on the phone. There will be a quiz next time I talk to you.

For the first time in my life, I HATE school...I hate it! I'm not entirely sure when this hatred began. I think it's been growing since this summer, but really came to a head at the end of last semester. Let me backtrack.

Over the summer, I did speech camp and therapy every morning then had classes every afternoon. It was a lot to handle, but that wasn't even the bad part. My dreaded thesis is what started the hatred. I worked HARD to get my introduction and literature review done by July 24th. I spent countless hours in the library and countless more sitting on the living room floor with books on autism spread all around me. I submitted my 20-page rough draft on Thursday, July 23rd- one day before my deadline. I had been told that a good literature review is about 20 pages. When I submitted it, I was told that it was "a good start." I was enfuriated. After meeting with my thesis advisor, I was told not to worry about submitting my proposal to the IRB (Institutional Review Board) until I had a strong introduction and lit. review (meaning, not until after I'd edited my rough draft).

Skip to last semester. Last semester was HELL. I struggled to adjust to student teaching all day and being a student all night. I was taking two online classes, student teaching, and trying to have a life. I had family drama, stitches, and the swine flu. My thesis was the furthest thing from my mind, not that I could have worked on it without edits from my advisor. Finally, at the end of the semester, I met with her to discuss my thesis. I told her that I didn't feel like I could go any further without her feedback. This was on a Friday. She told me that she would have it back to me by the following Tuesday. I checked the following Wednesday, and it was still not in my clinic mailbox...same thing on Thursday...then again on Friday. I had a breakdown over something completely unrelated while in the halls of Wallace. She saw me and the first thing she said to me was "You don't have to do your thesis. It's not too late to back out." I told her that I wasn't crying over my thesis and she said "Well, I hope everything works out" and walked away. She didn't mention my edits at all. I stopped by her office and I emailed her about the corrections. Still, nothing. I went all through Christmas break without hearing from her. Finally, during the last part of my break, I emailed her again with no response. I decided I couldn't wait on her any longer and emailed another professor for help. That professor emailed me back with a fully edited copy of my thesis within 2 days. So, 6 months later, I finally had some feedback.

This semester: The very first day of school, I had to be on campus. I ran into my thesis advisor and she FINALLY gave me the corrections. This was three weeks ago. In the meantime, I've been driving to and from Corbin everyday. I leave my house at 6:30 in the morning and generally don't get home until 6:30 at night with the exception of a few slow days. In addition to my externship, I'm taking two classes and trying to work on my thesis. I work from the minute I get home until right before I go to bed (except on Tuesdays when I watch Biggest Loser). I desperately need a break, but the end is in sight.

Two weeks ago, I was on campus to ask about reimbursement for mileage. I was talking with Dr. MB and she brought up my thesis. She asked where I was on it and whether I had completed my IRB proposal. I explained EVERYTHING to her and she basically told me to take matters into my own hands. She also told me that I needed to call a committee meeting. My plan was to work on my edits and schedule a meeting in a few weeks. Last week, I saw another one of my committee members. She also mentioned that I needed to set up a meeting within the next couple weeks. So last week, MB emailed me basically saying that since I wasn't scheduling the meeting, she would. Rather than look like a slacker, I emailed everyone about the meeting. We got everything set up and I thought I was ready to roll. I've been working hard on finishing edits and wrapping up what I need to have done before my meeting. Today, I got an email (forwarded to the rest of the committee) from my thesis advisor saying that she is looking forward to reading my manuscript and my IRB proposal. She also sent an email (just to me) saying that I needed to have them both turned in to her by tomorrow night so that she can look over them before the meeting. I promptly emailed her back and told her that she had told me not to do the IRB yet, so it wasn't done. I explained that I could work on it though. She sent an email back, sounding a little pissed saying that she would send a correction to the committee about the IRB. She also said that we needed to communicate before sending an email to the whole committee.

What was I supposed to do? MB would have scheduled the meeting if I didn't. My advisor is just holding me back anyway. I think this meeting is a way of moving things forward. There's no need to meet with just her when I can meet with everyone and get insight from all of them. I'm aggravated and just want to do it all myself without having to worry about going through them. I'm sure she feels like I'm stepping on her toes or going over her head or whatever, but it's MY thesis and damnit, I want to graduate in May.

American Idol Update: Pants on the Ground

I don't know if you girls watch Idol, but I wanted to post this video because it's HILARIOUS!

They're playin' my song

Ok girls, I need your help! My drive to and from the hospital is about two hours round trip. I've decided that I need to make some CDs for my drive. My "Morning Mix" needs to have a lot of upbeat music to keep me awake on the drive and get me moving for the day. My "Evening Mix" needs to be a little more mellow to help me relax and unwind on my way home. I need some suggestions for songs to put on the CDs. Will you make me a playlist or at least give me several suggestions? Thanks!!!!

A Group Effort

OK, ladies, we've all agreed to do this getting healthy thing together. I'm really excited about it! I have a few questions and suggestions. My first suggestion is that we don't make this into a competition. I'm pretty sure we weren't going to do that in the first place, but I want both of you to know that I am in no way competing with you. I just want us to be a support system for each other. That leads to my first question. How are we going to do this? Are we doing the "woohoo, go you!" thing or are we going to actually hold each other accountable in some way for working out/dieting, etc...? Do we want to develop/share goals? I can use all the help I can get. I need someone to push me to get up off the couch. I don't really have a support system other than you guys because I'm on my own in Richmond. It sucks to cook for just myself so I end up eating a bunch of junk. Kristian is also trying to lose weight, so she's pretty supportive, but at my parents' house it's kind of hard to eat healthy because all we have in the house is junk food. My hope is that once I start working at the hospital, I won't have the time or the energy to eat. I'll be gone from 6:45 in the morning until around 6:00 at night. I have a feeling that being there will pretty much be a workout in itself, but I've always got the Wii Fit. I know this sounds bad, but I absolutely refuse to go to the gym on campus because it's always full of skinny bitches. I won't have time anyway.

So here's MY plan. I want to know what you girls think of it and if you think it'll work. Since it's such a waste to have to cook for just myself, I usually end up eating something completely unhealthy. Also, since I won't be getting home until around 6:00 every night, I have a feeling I'll be too worn out and lazy to cook. So my goal is to try to cook a few meals every Sunday that I can either freeze or put in the fridge. That way I'll at least have a few good meals for the week. Plus, I'll be saving money since I won't be eating out. On top of my externship, I'm taking two online classes and working on my thesis. I seriously doubt I'll have time to really work out everyday. So my thought is, I'll try to do about 30 minutes of Wii Fit a day, then about 3 days a week, I'll either spend more time on the Wii Fit or do something else like walking at Lake Reba, etc... I figure it's best to tell you guys my plan so that you can hold me accountable. I WANT you to ask me how I'm doing on it. Ask me if I've done the Wii Fit today, it'll make me feel guilty if I haven't, which is good! Keep me motivated!

So what do you girls think? Can I do it? Any suggestions? No worries, I'm not going to be obsessive about it and talk about it all the time. I'm not going to be constantly counting calories or telling you what I've eaten. I just need your support.

Now that I've shared my plan, I want to hear about yours if you have one!

New Year, Same Old Me...

Since Katie posted a blog about New Year's resolutions, I figured I should too.

I have only one resolution this year: to not make any ER trips (for myself) this year. In 2009, I had several injuries and illnesses. In January, I slipped on the ice, hit my head, and blacked out. My whole body was sore for days. In May, I had an infected wisdom tooth and could barely open my mouth, so I had my wisdom teeth taken out. No, this wasn't an injury, but it sure did hurt! In June, I had a severe sunburn that left me itching and screaming. Megan frosted my back with baking soda and water (because I asked her to), which basically ended up making things worse. In August, I hurt my wrist lifting a sandbag in the pool and ended up getting x-rays to make sure it wasn't broken. In September, I fell through a glass coffee table and cut open my hand. I ended up going to the ER and getting 3 stitches. In October, I had the swine flu and was quarantined for a week. In December, I hurt my back lifting a Christmas tree and couldn't move for a couple days. It was a rough year. I have faith that this year will be a lot healthier. If not, at least I'll be working in a hospital for a semester. They'll be able to take good care of me!

There are so many other resolutions I could make. I could say that I'm going to lose weight, get healthy, grow up a little (yes, I know I need to), get organized, etc...but I'm not ready for that. I can't make myself do something I'm not ready to do. My quirks are what make me who I am. I know that I'm fat, but I also know that if I force myself to go on a diet and exercise, I'll just gain it all back. I have to be ready to completely change my lifestyle. I know that I'm a slob. I'm disorganized, a pack rat, and generally a messy person. But have you seen my parents' house? I think it's genetic. I think organization will come in time. First, I need to be willing to get rid of stuff and I'm not ready to do that yet. I also know that I have a lot of growing up to do. I can be pretty childish, petty, manipulative, sneaky, hurtful, and just plain mean. I know when I'm doing it and I know it's wrong. It's something I've been working for several years to fix. That's not something that can be a resolution. It's something that will come with time once I'm able to move on from the past.

So yeah, just one resolution for me. I just wanted to explain the rest because I know you guys were thinking, "man she really has a lot more that she needs to work on." Just hang in there. I'll get to those things too. Now, I need to get off here and get inside my plastic bubble before I get hurt and blow the whole resolution a week into the year.

I love you guys and can't wait to see you in 34(ish) days!!!

Random Requests

Hey girls!!! (For anyone else reading this besides Katie and Megan, sorry it has nothing to do with you.) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I had a WONDERFUL weekend despite being sick. I'm really sorry if I shared my germs with you, but so far it seems like you're both healthy. I think I'm almost over it...been fever-free for over 24 hours!! Now I feel like I just got off the scrambler after riding it for 5 days straight. Not a fun feeling.

So, this may be sort of random and I know I'm supposed to be doing a "fat girl" blog right now, but I have two requests. You can say no to one or both if you want. I just wanted to throw them out there.

First, I'd like to request that we have no more surprises. I really don't like the secrecy and sneaking around...it makes me feel like I'm competing with you guys or something. I hate lying to my best friends. Also, with all the lies and secrecy, I tend to build my surprise up to be this huge thing and then I end up disappointed. I don't know if you guys feel the same way or not, but that's just how I feel. Besides, I feel like I've come to expect a surprise everytime we get together (Megan, I was honestly shocked that there was no new Vera this time!). I think that expecting a surprise minimizes my reaction to it which basically sucks for the person giving it. Soooooo...yeah...I'm voting to put an end to the surprises (unless of course they're presents for the other person/people).

My second request is by far the most important. When we write our "Fat Chicks Rule" book, can we PLEASE use pen names? I really don't want the whole world knowing my fat girl secrets, or at least knowing that I'M (we're) the one that does them. I can just see it now...50 years from now when I'm an old rotting professor, one of my students will come up to me and say, "Dr. Haggard (because of course I won't ever find a man after all of our secrets are published), you're my hero. You taught me how to go through a drive-thru and get everything I want without people thinking it's all for me. Thank you so much! Will you autograph my donut box?"


Now, I've done my part for the week (more to come soon once I'm caught up on everything I've missed this week). It's your turn!!! START BLOGGING!!!!

AHHHHH

I am going CRAZY! But it's a good kind of crazy. That's all.