AHHHHH

I am going CRAZY! But it's a good kind of crazy. That's all.

Fat Kid Cramp

A few weeks ago, as I was sitting at a stop light, I watched an elementary/middle school track meet (it was a really long light). When the race started, the kids took off. Within seconds, they were out of sight...all but one. A short, chubby kid was chugging along behind them, a look of fierce determination on his face. It was obvious that he would never catch up, but he just kept running as fast as he could.

I am that chubby kid. Lately, I've felt like I'm running a race that I can't win. I'm pushing myself as hard as I can, but I just can't seem to catch up. As soon as I make it over one hurdle, there's always another one waiting for me. If I were that kid, I would have given up. I probably wouldn't have joined the team in the first place. But no, this kid kept on truckin. I realized that I need to be more like this kid. I joined the team, so now I have to race. I may be struggling in life, but things will get better. I can't give up just because thing are tough. School may be kicking my butt right now, but I guarantee that little boy got his butt kicked even worse.

So I'm gonna keep running. I can't do it alone though. I need you guys to be my cheerleaders, to toss me a water bottle every now and then when I get a fat kid cramp from running so hard, and to pick me up if I fall flat on my face. Thanks for being there for me through all of this and for putting up with my whining. I love you guys!

The Day the Firemen Came for Easter

The day started out just like any other Easter morning. I drug myself out of bed bright and early to see what the Easter Bunny had brought me. I was "surprised" to find a grill in (well, technically beside) my Easter basket, complete with grilling utensils and a grill cover. I was pleased to see that the Easter Bunny remembered my favorite candy, cadbury eggs and chocolate covered marshmallow eggs. Yummmm!

After discovering that all of my laundry was still in the dryer, I threw on some dirty clothes and headed down to Gagoo's to help get ready for the day. I had already baked cupcakes decorated with bunnies, and a pretty cool watermelon fruit basket (that was a little lopsided). Once at Gagoo's, I made the dressing as usual, discussed whether the Davis's would be joining us (they had been sick), and buttered and sugared the rolls. As I was peeling a cucumber, I saw a flame suddenly shoot up in the oven. Gagoo noticed it at the same time. She pulled open the oven door and the flames shot up into the air, dangerously close to the cabinets. Gagoo bent down to blow on it, but I screamed at her not to, fearing that the gust of air would blow the flames higher. This was no small fire, folks. I frantically asked, "do you have a...a...a thing?" I couldn't find the words "fire extinguisher" in my head. Thankfully, Gagoo knew what I was talking about, but no, she didn't have one. "SALT! WE NEED SALT!" she yelled. Crap, the salt was in the cabinet above the stove, which neither one of us could reach anyway without a chair. We both looked at each other, asking each other what we should do. "FLOUR! FLOUR WOULD WORK!" I yelled. But before we could get to the flour, the fire put itself out. We discovered that Gagoo had left a meat fork in the oven. The handle had burnt off. My initial response was that now I knew what to buy her for Christmas, but she quickly replied that I'd never find another one like this. It was an antique. We put the smoldering fork in the sink, waited for the laughter to subside, and continued our work.

Soon Gagoo asked me to check on the rolls that were in the oven. She was afraid that the bottoms were burning. I opened the oven door and saw that the tops of the rolls were burnt. I figured the whole darn roll had to be burnt too, but when we took one out, we saw that the bottoms weren't even done. We checked the corn pudding which was also in the oven and saw that the top of it was burnt too. We eventually realized that Gagoo had set the oven on broil. I'm beginning to question her sanity.

At some point I ran home to put on clean clothes (that were still a little damp). Soon the rest of the family (minus Kim's crew) showed up. We ate lunch, did some crafts (ok, I did some crafts with Quincy and Erin), and waited for the egg hunt. Gagoo had told me earlier that I didn't have to hunt eggs if I didn't want to. So when it came time for the egg hunt, I volunteered to help hide the eggs. Gagoo said, "No! You have to find them!" So I sat patiently and waited for my instructions. Now, in order to fully appreciate an Easter egg hunt at Gagoo's, you really have to be there, but I'll do my best to describe it. Gagoo has a huge assortment of plastic eggs. She rarely buys new ones. Each grandchild gets 12 of a certain type of egg. For example, I was to find all the green eggs, Winston's eggs looked like various types of balls, and Owen had camo eggs. It isn't always that straightforward though. Katie's eggs were a variety of colors, but had swirls or dots on them. Nicholas was to find all the shiny eggs, but not the green shiny eggs because those were mine. Maggie's eggs were all different colors, but had faces on them. Half the time we weren't even sure if the eggs we found were really our own. This year was a little different. About 10 of our eggs had numbers in them. We had to take the number to my mom, who would then give us the prize corresponding to that number. It was fun!

Next was the kids' turn to hide our parents' bags. We decided to play a trick on them. We got an extra bag, filled it with rocks, wrote "GOTCHA!" on it, and put it in plain sight on top of the floodwall. Then we let the parents loose. I always hide Mom's in an easy spot, but she always has to have help to find it. I think she really would have found it on her own this time if Dad hadn't gotten to it first. J.T. was the one that took the floodwall bait. He ran all the way to the top, saw what it said, and sent it flying over the floodwall.

Aside from some minor family drama and my mom not feeling well, it was a great Easter. I'm sad that I won't get to spend much time with my family this summer, and can't wait til the next family get-together.

Warning: Complete Breakdown Ahead

I don't want to sound like a negative Nancy, but I've got to let this out. You don't have to read it, you don't have to comment. I just need to vent. I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown. Not the sobbing, depressed kind, but the maniacal, hysterical kind. I am completely and utterly overwhelmed with life right now. I'm not depressed or anything like that. I'm just STRESSED. I'm gonna list the reasons why:

1) School- OMG we have so much busy work to get done. In fact, tomorrow I have 2 case studies and an article review due for 1 class. Not to mention an assignment that was due tonight that I didn't turn in. I haven't even STARTED on any of them. I'm slacking BIG TIME. Lately I haven't even been turning assignments in on time. I know the ones I can turn in late without consequences so I wait until the last possible minute then half-ass them and turn them in. I haven't skipped any classes yet, but I seriously consider it everyday.

2) Clinic- Ok, clinic really is easy. It's probably the highlight of my school life right now. But it's still stressful because I have a TON of paperwork to do. Right now I have 5 SOAP notes (which are basically session summary reports) to turn in by Friday at noon. To do 2 of those, I have to watch the videos of my sessions. I also have to email one of my client's parents with reminders for what they need to be doing.

3) Summer school- UGH. I'm stressing out about it because no one really knows what's going on.

4) THESIS- I have been working on my thesis since the beginning of the semester and am still right where I started. My thesis mentor is NO HELP AT ALL. She basically told me she didn't know what to do and referred me to another professor in a different department. That other professor never got back with me. So here I am, on my own. Anytime I ask my mentor a question, she never even answers it, but sort of dances around it. I was talking to one of my clinic supervisors about it and he told me I would basically have to shoulder more responsibility than most thesis students have to. Today, I almost had a mini-breakdown when talking to my old advisor about my thesis. She helped me more in 5 minutes than my thesis mentor has helped me in 3 months. So now, I have to start meeting with her on the side to get some real help. Also, since I'm on the thesis track, I have to register for the thesis class (which is not really a class) each semester until I'm finished. In addition to that, I have to take 2 electives on top of the regular program courses. Everyone else has to take these electives too, but until I'm finished with my thesis, I can't take the electives because that would put me with an overload of hours and they don't allow that. So basically, I'll be graduating in July of 2010 when the rest of my class (except the other 2 thesis students) will be graduating in May 2010. My thesis mentor said there is no way around that, but my old advisor said she would find a way. I really hope she can.

5) Externships- We're starting to make decisions about what setting we want to do first (school or medical) and what location we prefer. It's such a big decision. I have to make sure I'm ready to handle whichever one I choose. I chose school because I think it'll be easier and I'm more comfortable there. I'm already stressing out about it.

6) Money- I know I have loans and I can get more, but it freaks me out to see my bank account dwindling without ever bringing more in (except for the big loan checks, but I know I have to pay all that back plus some). It scares me that I won't be able to have another job until I get my for real, big girl job. Thank GOD SLPs make decent money. I've applied for one scholarship, but I don't think it's much money. I have another scholarship application due on Monday and I haven't had time to work on it. I'm dreading writing another essay on why I want to pursue grad school, because at the moment I'm not even sure why.

7) Family- No worries, Mom and Dad, this isn't really a BAD stress. I consider myself lucky to be away from Maysville right now. There is so much drama going on with my family we could easily be in a soap opera (except for the fact that no one has been in a coma, although I believe a certain husband of a certain aunt might be in one if Mom gets a hold of him). I still worry about my family constantly, especially since I won't be there over the summer to help out.

8) Social life- Well, not too much to stress out about here other than the fact that I don't have one. I live for my weekends with Katie and Megan. That and the thought of Megan living here this summer is what keeps me going. Outside of once a month visits with Katie and Megan, I have no social life. I barely even talk to Alison unless it's about who's going to take the trash out and whether the rent got paid. I can't wait to have Megan to talk to and have fun with this summer.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm feeling better already so I'm going to stop. I know that none of this is really that bad. It could be a lot worse. I'm just so overwhelmed, particularly with school. I need to figure out a way to get back on track and stop being such a slacker. Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, and I can't wait for the weekend!!! I'm totally pumped and promise to leave all of this negative energy in Richmond.

P.S. As I was writing this, I was constantly distracted by the shadow on my wall of a huge moth that's stuck in my light fixture.

Killer Whale

Wait...didn't I already have a post with the same title. Yes, yes I did. You know why?! Because I'm a weirdo who dreams about being attacked by killer whales. Come on now! This is getting ridiculous! What's with all the freaking killer whale dreams?

So when I was home last weekend, I had a dream that I was at the beach with Mom and Hailey. There was a shallow part of the water that extended out a couple feet then suddenly dropped off to this super deep part. Well, Hailey and Mom were out hanging onto the ledge of the deep part. I was in with them, but decided that since there was no lifeguard, I should get out and watch for sharks. I vividly remember saying "I'm gonna go be the lifeguard." I hoisted myself out of the water. Just as I turned to scan the beach, I saw a huge shark fin right behind Hailey. I screamed for them to get out, but they didn't listen. All of a sudden I realized it was a killer whale. It swallowed a little boy whole then turned toward Mom and Hailey. I ran to the ledge they were on and grabbed Mom's arm. She grabbed onto Hailey and I pulled them both out of the water with only one arm! I didn't get them out in time though. The killer whale jumped up onto the beach and bit Hailey's toe off. I screamed "NO!!!" (probably for real out loud) and jumped between Hailey and the killer whale. It bit my entire foot off before I escaped. I wasn't worried about myself. I ran (I'm not sure how) over to Hailey and yelled to my Dad (who had suddenly appeared) that Hailey's toe was a couple feet away down the beach. He grabbed it and someone sewed it back on. They also found my foot and sewed it back on. I could see these huge black stitches all around my ankle and Hailey's toe. I kept telling her over and over again that she was still perfect. Then I woke up.

So guys, tell me what in the heck this dream means! Why am I dreaming about killer whales? This is absolutely NUTS! It's not like I've been thinking about them or anything and these two dreams were MONTHS apart. Am I really that crazy?

How could a little blog mean so much?

I just realized how much this stupid blog means to me. Obviously it's a great way to stay in touch with two of my favorite people in the world. It gives us a chance to keep each other updated on what's going on in our lives when we're not able to tell each other in person or on the phone. It gives me a chance to tell them how I'm feeling without worrying about sounding corny, like now for example. Yeah, it means a lot to me to be able to read their blogs and leave comments. It also means a lot to read the comments they leave for me. But I think the thing that means the most to me about this blog is probably the thing that most people would consider insignificant or even annoying. That annoying traffic feed that shows the world that I check my blog about 50 times a day...that's what means the most to me. You see, not only does it say Richmond, KY up to 20 times a day, but it also says Fairfield, OH and Louisville, KY just as much. It means so much to me that the girls check so often to see if any of us have blogged. To me, it shows how much they care. Yeah, I know a lot of it is habit. I have my set list of websites I check multiple times a day...email accounts, weather, blogs... but it still makes me feel good to see that they've visited my blog. It especially makes me feel good when I know that Katie has read (or at least skimmed) my posts because she usually has to hear the whole boring story over the phone before I even post it on here.

I think what made me realize how much that stupid traffic feed means to me is the fact that Megan is home for spring break this week and hasn't read our blogs. There has been no Louisville, KY in my traffic feed. There has been no comment aside from my own on the TWO blogs Katie has posted recently. Two blogs in that short amount of time is a lot for Katie!!! It makes me happy that she's posted so much. When Megan sees it, she'll be proud. Keep the posts coming Katie!!! Anyway, I would feel the same way if I didn't see Fairfield, OH on my traffic feed too. It's just a good feeling to know that they care. So girls, I'm not taking down that feed. I don't care if it shows the world that I visit my own blog 50 times a day. Just keep coming so I know you're there!

Put a little grease on me and call me Bob the Mechanic...

...cuz I just fixed my car all by myself!


For those of you who don't know (by this, I mean Megan) I had a really crappy week this week. A bunch of little things just started adding up and I was on the verge of a breakdown. One of my biggest issues this week has been my car. You've already (probably) read about my experience at the gas station on Sunday. Well, on Wednesday, I went out to my car to drive to class and discovered that my rear-view mirror had fallen off and was just dangling there. Also on Wednesday, an old man stopped me to tell me that one of my brake lights was out. Well, I had already told my dad about the brake light over Christmas break but it didn't get fixed. Then on Thursday, the "service engine soon" light came on.

So, after realizing that I was heading for a breakdown, not just over my car but life in general, I decided that I need to turn this car around (figuratively speaking). I need to get my life heading in the right direction. Sooooo I've decided to make a few changes so I can get out of this funk I'm in. The first step was to fix my car. So, I headed off to Wal-Mart in search of super glue. I felt a little out of place (ok, maybe A LOT out of place) in the car section at Wal-Mart, but I was finally able to locate a rear-view mirror repair kit. I bought that bad boy for 97 cents (along with some summer melon car air freshener) and headed home to start my repairs. I followed the directions carefully, making sure to put the mirror back on in the right place because the label said that nothing can get it off once it's on. Well, somehow my arm slipped, the mirror moved, and I didn't get it moved back in time. The glue dried while the mirror was still in my hand. So I went back and bought another one (this time for $2.97...not sure why the price jumped that much for the exact same product) and tried again. I haven't looked yet to see if it's still stuck on there, but I think I fixed it!!!! Next on the list is to see if I can replace the brake light myself. I've been told that with Aleros it's really hard to do yourself because you have to go in through the trunk, so I may end up having to take it somewhere. But anyway, I was really proud of myself for fixing the mirror by myself. I know it's not a huge deal, but it's a step in the right direction for me.

Now on to the bigger changes! I can't wait to get my life going the way I want it to. Stay tuned for more updates on the newer (ok maybe not newer), better me.