Chubs

A Night in the ER

Quotes from a sick 2 year old:

“Mommy that doctor is NASTY!”

“Mommy, I’m better now” as the drunk-acting creepy doctor walks in. I would have said the same thing if that guy was gonna look at me!

“Milla has the clap” (really, “Milla how to clap” meaning Amelia knows how to clap)

“Sarah, I want to clean” as she grabs a tissue and starts scrubbing the chairs in the waiting room

Madison: Why they do that (close the curtain)
Kristian: So people wouldn’t see your butt
Madison: Oh

"Sarah I take you temperature. You no feel hot"

Madison: I don’t want that (referring to the tubes, wires, and machines)
Kristian: They’re just going to check in your mouth and your ears
Madison: Ok (like “sure, that’s fine“)

Madison: Sarah what that?
Me: that’s called a wheelchair. It’s for big people, not for you
Madison: It for big mommies?
Me: Yep that’s for big mommies
Madison: I wanna clean it

Crazy, creepy, possibly drunk doctor in a Ben Stein monotone voice: Madison, do you have dogs in your stomach?
Madison (unamused and in a matter-of-fact tone): No

HATE!

In case you didn't know or you forgot, I HATE the hospital setting. The hospital, not to be confused with outpatient which I like, is a nasty depressing place where nurses let patients scream all day and swallow tests are postponed due to possible impending patient death. I feel sad and uncomfortable every time I step foot in the hospital. I don't EVER want to work in one (or in a nursing home). It doesn't interest me whatsoever and in fact, it disgusts and upsets me. Thank God I only have 3 weeks left.

Chaos

I have so much on my mind right now, I can't even sort it out into some semblance of organization, which is frustrating because that prevents me from really thinking about everything. Obviously I can't blog about it because that would be a confused mess.

Blowout

Well, ladies, the bad luck continues...

I left work around 5:30 today, tired and ready to change into pjs and relax. I was cruising along around Mount Vernon (go figure)going over my to-do list, when all of a sudden I heard a weird noise coming from my car. My heart was pounding as I fought the urge to puke. I turned down the radio to hear better and realized I had a flat tire. I pulled over, turned on the emergency flashers, crawled to the passenger side, and jumped out to check out the damage. The damn tire was totally blown out--not low, not just flat--BLOWN OUT. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I called mom, who got dad (after a few minutes, because he was in the bathroom) and they gave me the number for AAA, since I'm an idiot and didn't have my card with me. I called AAA and they said it would be about 45 minutes, but I was top priority since I wasn't in a safe place. They said they would call when they were on their way. In the meantime, I needed to clean out my trunk. You've both seen it. It's full of JUNK. So I frantically pulled crap from my trunk and threw it in the backseat so that I'd have access to my spare. I was talking to my mom through all of this when all of a sudden, a truck pulled up and a nicely dressed man started walking toward me. He asked if I was ok and if I needed any help. I kept thinking "Oh my God, he's going to abduct me." So I politely told him that AAA was on their way. He chuckled and said "oh, I'm the manager for AAA." He showed me his card and said he was going to check to see how much longer it would be before help came. I frantically whispered to Mom, who told me not to trust him. I kept saying, "but Mom, he has on a bluetooth headset and has a laptop mounted in his car. I think he's legit...OH look, he has a bright yellow reflector jacket. He IS legit!" So the man came over and said it would be about 30 minutes. At this point it was getting dark. He told me he'd just change the tire himself. So he did. He told me not to go over 50, but I could at least make it back to Richmond.

So, I drove off on my little donut of a tire, going 45 on the interstate. I called my mom to see what I should do. She informed me that my tires are special-order only and that places probably wouldn't have them in stock. Well SHIT! She started calling all the car/tire places in Richmond and finally called me back with good news. Tire Discounters (in the new shopping center) had my tire in stock. They even said they would stay open for me if I wasn't too much longer getting there. Well, at this point I was still about 20-30 minutes away. Mom called them back and told them I could wait til morning. They told her to tell me to stop by anyway and they would check the air in my spare to make sure it would hold through the night. So I stopped there. Let me just tell you...THAT GUY WAS HOT. What is with me and cute guys and bad luck with cars? Well anyway, they checked my tire, put some air in it, and told me to come back in the morning. They said the spare should hold up all night as long as I don't do any drag racing lol. Anyway, I'm going back in the morning and then heading to Corbin. What a day!

FBA: Future Bitches of America

Consider this a warning: After this weekend, I will turn into a complete psycho-bitch.


I had a thesis committee meeting tonight and they basically ripped my thesis to shreds. They say I have a good and interesting concept, but it's more "dissertation material" than "thesis material". Apparently I'm trying to go too big. Personally, I think I can do it. It's now my mission to prove them wrong.

They gave me a TON of stuff I need to do and threw some wrenches in the gears, but I'm DETERMINED to get it done BEFORE graduation in MAY. I will have WEEKLY committee meetings with deadlines for each step in the process. Now, I ask you, why was this not happening all of last year? Oh well, it's happening now so I'll just have to deal with it.

So, with externship, 2 classes, and weekly thesis deadlines, I'm going to have very little time for fun, relaxing, and sleep. I'm going to turn into the spawn of satan and you will probably want to kill me or de-friend me. I just ask that you bare with me. It will get better once this is all over with. Then I will throw a huge party and buy you presents and maybe even dedicate my thesis to you.

No worries, ladies, this will in no way effect our weekend together. I am putting all thesising aside for the weekend. It will be my last weekend of freedom. I'm ready to live it up.

I can't wait to see you girls. It's going to be tons of fun! I miss you and love you lots!

%^&* SCHOOL

WARNING: I need to vent. Yes, Katie, you have to read this whole thing because I haven't told you all of it and won't tell you on the phone. There will be a quiz next time I talk to you.

For the first time in my life, I HATE school...I hate it! I'm not entirely sure when this hatred began. I think it's been growing since this summer, but really came to a head at the end of last semester. Let me backtrack.

Over the summer, I did speech camp and therapy every morning then had classes every afternoon. It was a lot to handle, but that wasn't even the bad part. My dreaded thesis is what started the hatred. I worked HARD to get my introduction and literature review done by July 24th. I spent countless hours in the library and countless more sitting on the living room floor with books on autism spread all around me. I submitted my 20-page rough draft on Thursday, July 23rd- one day before my deadline. I had been told that a good literature review is about 20 pages. When I submitted it, I was told that it was "a good start." I was enfuriated. After meeting with my thesis advisor, I was told not to worry about submitting my proposal to the IRB (Institutional Review Board) until I had a strong introduction and lit. review (meaning, not until after I'd edited my rough draft).

Skip to last semester. Last semester was HELL. I struggled to adjust to student teaching all day and being a student all night. I was taking two online classes, student teaching, and trying to have a life. I had family drama, stitches, and the swine flu. My thesis was the furthest thing from my mind, not that I could have worked on it without edits from my advisor. Finally, at the end of the semester, I met with her to discuss my thesis. I told her that I didn't feel like I could go any further without her feedback. This was on a Friday. She told me that she would have it back to me by the following Tuesday. I checked the following Wednesday, and it was still not in my clinic mailbox...same thing on Thursday...then again on Friday. I had a breakdown over something completely unrelated while in the halls of Wallace. She saw me and the first thing she said to me was "You don't have to do your thesis. It's not too late to back out." I told her that I wasn't crying over my thesis and she said "Well, I hope everything works out" and walked away. She didn't mention my edits at all. I stopped by her office and I emailed her about the corrections. Still, nothing. I went all through Christmas break without hearing from her. Finally, during the last part of my break, I emailed her again with no response. I decided I couldn't wait on her any longer and emailed another professor for help. That professor emailed me back with a fully edited copy of my thesis within 2 days. So, 6 months later, I finally had some feedback.

This semester: The very first day of school, I had to be on campus. I ran into my thesis advisor and she FINALLY gave me the corrections. This was three weeks ago. In the meantime, I've been driving to and from Corbin everyday. I leave my house at 6:30 in the morning and generally don't get home until 6:30 at night with the exception of a few slow days. In addition to my externship, I'm taking two classes and trying to work on my thesis. I work from the minute I get home until right before I go to bed (except on Tuesdays when I watch Biggest Loser). I desperately need a break, but the end is in sight.

Two weeks ago, I was on campus to ask about reimbursement for mileage. I was talking with Dr. MB and she brought up my thesis. She asked where I was on it and whether I had completed my IRB proposal. I explained EVERYTHING to her and she basically told me to take matters into my own hands. She also told me that I needed to call a committee meeting. My plan was to work on my edits and schedule a meeting in a few weeks. Last week, I saw another one of my committee members. She also mentioned that I needed to set up a meeting within the next couple weeks. So last week, MB emailed me basically saying that since I wasn't scheduling the meeting, she would. Rather than look like a slacker, I emailed everyone about the meeting. We got everything set up and I thought I was ready to roll. I've been working hard on finishing edits and wrapping up what I need to have done before my meeting. Today, I got an email (forwarded to the rest of the committee) from my thesis advisor saying that she is looking forward to reading my manuscript and my IRB proposal. She also sent an email (just to me) saying that I needed to have them both turned in to her by tomorrow night so that she can look over them before the meeting. I promptly emailed her back and told her that she had told me not to do the IRB yet, so it wasn't done. I explained that I could work on it though. She sent an email back, sounding a little pissed saying that she would send a correction to the committee about the IRB. She also said that we needed to communicate before sending an email to the whole committee.

What was I supposed to do? MB would have scheduled the meeting if I didn't. My advisor is just holding me back anyway. I think this meeting is a way of moving things forward. There's no need to meet with just her when I can meet with everyone and get insight from all of them. I'm aggravated and just want to do it all myself without having to worry about going through them. I'm sure she feels like I'm stepping on her toes or going over her head or whatever, but it's MY thesis and damnit, I want to graduate in May.

American Idol Update: Pants on the Ground

I don't know if you girls watch Idol, but I wanted to post this video because it's HILARIOUS!

They're playin' my song

Ok girls, I need your help! My drive to and from the hospital is about two hours round trip. I've decided that I need to make some CDs for my drive. My "Morning Mix" needs to have a lot of upbeat music to keep me awake on the drive and get me moving for the day. My "Evening Mix" needs to be a little more mellow to help me relax and unwind on my way home. I need some suggestions for songs to put on the CDs. Will you make me a playlist or at least give me several suggestions? Thanks!!!!

A Group Effort

OK, ladies, we've all agreed to do this getting healthy thing together. I'm really excited about it! I have a few questions and suggestions. My first suggestion is that we don't make this into a competition. I'm pretty sure we weren't going to do that in the first place, but I want both of you to know that I am in no way competing with you. I just want us to be a support system for each other. That leads to my first question. How are we going to do this? Are we doing the "woohoo, go you!" thing or are we going to actually hold each other accountable in some way for working out/dieting, etc...? Do we want to develop/share goals? I can use all the help I can get. I need someone to push me to get up off the couch. I don't really have a support system other than you guys because I'm on my own in Richmond. It sucks to cook for just myself so I end up eating a bunch of junk. Kristian is also trying to lose weight, so she's pretty supportive, but at my parents' house it's kind of hard to eat healthy because all we have in the house is junk food. My hope is that once I start working at the hospital, I won't have the time or the energy to eat. I'll be gone from 6:45 in the morning until around 6:00 at night. I have a feeling that being there will pretty much be a workout in itself, but I've always got the Wii Fit. I know this sounds bad, but I absolutely refuse to go to the gym on campus because it's always full of skinny bitches. I won't have time anyway.

So here's MY plan. I want to know what you girls think of it and if you think it'll work. Since it's such a waste to have to cook for just myself, I usually end up eating something completely unhealthy. Also, since I won't be getting home until around 6:00 every night, I have a feeling I'll be too worn out and lazy to cook. So my goal is to try to cook a few meals every Sunday that I can either freeze or put in the fridge. That way I'll at least have a few good meals for the week. Plus, I'll be saving money since I won't be eating out. On top of my externship, I'm taking two online classes and working on my thesis. I seriously doubt I'll have time to really work out everyday. So my thought is, I'll try to do about 30 minutes of Wii Fit a day, then about 3 days a week, I'll either spend more time on the Wii Fit or do something else like walking at Lake Reba, etc... I figure it's best to tell you guys my plan so that you can hold me accountable. I WANT you to ask me how I'm doing on it. Ask me if I've done the Wii Fit today, it'll make me feel guilty if I haven't, which is good! Keep me motivated!

So what do you girls think? Can I do it? Any suggestions? No worries, I'm not going to be obsessive about it and talk about it all the time. I'm not going to be constantly counting calories or telling you what I've eaten. I just need your support.

Now that I've shared my plan, I want to hear about yours if you have one!

New Year, Same Old Me...

Since Katie posted a blog about New Year's resolutions, I figured I should too.

I have only one resolution this year: to not make any ER trips (for myself) this year. In 2009, I had several injuries and illnesses. In January, I slipped on the ice, hit my head, and blacked out. My whole body was sore for days. In May, I had an infected wisdom tooth and could barely open my mouth, so I had my wisdom teeth taken out. No, this wasn't an injury, but it sure did hurt! In June, I had a severe sunburn that left me itching and screaming. Megan frosted my back with baking soda and water (because I asked her to), which basically ended up making things worse. In August, I hurt my wrist lifting a sandbag in the pool and ended up getting x-rays to make sure it wasn't broken. In September, I fell through a glass coffee table and cut open my hand. I ended up going to the ER and getting 3 stitches. In October, I had the swine flu and was quarantined for a week. In December, I hurt my back lifting a Christmas tree and couldn't move for a couple days. It was a rough year. I have faith that this year will be a lot healthier. If not, at least I'll be working in a hospital for a semester. They'll be able to take good care of me!

There are so many other resolutions I could make. I could say that I'm going to lose weight, get healthy, grow up a little (yes, I know I need to), get organized, etc...but I'm not ready for that. I can't make myself do something I'm not ready to do. My quirks are what make me who I am. I know that I'm fat, but I also know that if I force myself to go on a diet and exercise, I'll just gain it all back. I have to be ready to completely change my lifestyle. I know that I'm a slob. I'm disorganized, a pack rat, and generally a messy person. But have you seen my parents' house? I think it's genetic. I think organization will come in time. First, I need to be willing to get rid of stuff and I'm not ready to do that yet. I also know that I have a lot of growing up to do. I can be pretty childish, petty, manipulative, sneaky, hurtful, and just plain mean. I know when I'm doing it and I know it's wrong. It's something I've been working for several years to fix. That's not something that can be a resolution. It's something that will come with time once I'm able to move on from the past.

So yeah, just one resolution for me. I just wanted to explain the rest because I know you guys were thinking, "man she really has a lot more that she needs to work on." Just hang in there. I'll get to those things too. Now, I need to get off here and get inside my plastic bubble before I get hurt and blow the whole resolution a week into the year.

I love you guys and can't wait to see you in 34(ish) days!!!

Random Requests

Hey girls!!! (For anyone else reading this besides Katie and Megan, sorry it has nothing to do with you.) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I had a WONDERFUL weekend despite being sick. I'm really sorry if I shared my germs with you, but so far it seems like you're both healthy. I think I'm almost over it...been fever-free for over 24 hours!! Now I feel like I just got off the scrambler after riding it for 5 days straight. Not a fun feeling.

So, this may be sort of random and I know I'm supposed to be doing a "fat girl" blog right now, but I have two requests. You can say no to one or both if you want. I just wanted to throw them out there.

First, I'd like to request that we have no more surprises. I really don't like the secrecy and sneaking around...it makes me feel like I'm competing with you guys or something. I hate lying to my best friends. Also, with all the lies and secrecy, I tend to build my surprise up to be this huge thing and then I end up disappointed. I don't know if you guys feel the same way or not, but that's just how I feel. Besides, I feel like I've come to expect a surprise everytime we get together (Megan, I was honestly shocked that there was no new Vera this time!). I think that expecting a surprise minimizes my reaction to it which basically sucks for the person giving it. Soooooo...yeah...I'm voting to put an end to the surprises (unless of course they're presents for the other person/people).

My second request is by far the most important. When we write our "Fat Chicks Rule" book, can we PLEASE use pen names? I really don't want the whole world knowing my fat girl secrets, or at least knowing that I'M (we're) the one that does them. I can just see it now...50 years from now when I'm an old rotting professor, one of my students will come up to me and say, "Dr. Haggard (because of course I won't ever find a man after all of our secrets are published), you're my hero. You taught me how to go through a drive-thru and get everything I want without people thinking it's all for me. Thank you so much! Will you autograph my donut box?"


Now, I've done my part for the week (more to come soon once I'm caught up on everything I've missed this week). It's your turn!!! START BLOGGING!!!!

AHHHHH

I am going CRAZY! But it's a good kind of crazy. That's all.

Fat Kid Cramp

A few weeks ago, as I was sitting at a stop light, I watched an elementary/middle school track meet (it was a really long light). When the race started, the kids took off. Within seconds, they were out of sight...all but one. A short, chubby kid was chugging along behind them, a look of fierce determination on his face. It was obvious that he would never catch up, but he just kept running as fast as he could.

I am that chubby kid. Lately, I've felt like I'm running a race that I can't win. I'm pushing myself as hard as I can, but I just can't seem to catch up. As soon as I make it over one hurdle, there's always another one waiting for me. If I were that kid, I would have given up. I probably wouldn't have joined the team in the first place. But no, this kid kept on truckin. I realized that I need to be more like this kid. I joined the team, so now I have to race. I may be struggling in life, but things will get better. I can't give up just because thing are tough. School may be kicking my butt right now, but I guarantee that little boy got his butt kicked even worse.

So I'm gonna keep running. I can't do it alone though. I need you guys to be my cheerleaders, to toss me a water bottle every now and then when I get a fat kid cramp from running so hard, and to pick me up if I fall flat on my face. Thanks for being there for me through all of this and for putting up with my whining. I love you guys!

The Day the Firemen Came for Easter

The day started out just like any other Easter morning. I drug myself out of bed bright and early to see what the Easter Bunny had brought me. I was "surprised" to find a grill in (well, technically beside) my Easter basket, complete with grilling utensils and a grill cover. I was pleased to see that the Easter Bunny remembered my favorite candy, cadbury eggs and chocolate covered marshmallow eggs. Yummmm!

After discovering that all of my laundry was still in the dryer, I threw on some dirty clothes and headed down to Gagoo's to help get ready for the day. I had already baked cupcakes decorated with bunnies, and a pretty cool watermelon fruit basket (that was a little lopsided). Once at Gagoo's, I made the dressing as usual, discussed whether the Davis's would be joining us (they had been sick), and buttered and sugared the rolls. As I was peeling a cucumber, I saw a flame suddenly shoot up in the oven. Gagoo noticed it at the same time. She pulled open the oven door and the flames shot up into the air, dangerously close to the cabinets. Gagoo bent down to blow on it, but I screamed at her not to, fearing that the gust of air would blow the flames higher. This was no small fire, folks. I frantically asked, "do you have a...a...a thing?" I couldn't find the words "fire extinguisher" in my head. Thankfully, Gagoo knew what I was talking about, but no, she didn't have one. "SALT! WE NEED SALT!" she yelled. Crap, the salt was in the cabinet above the stove, which neither one of us could reach anyway without a chair. We both looked at each other, asking each other what we should do. "FLOUR! FLOUR WOULD WORK!" I yelled. But before we could get to the flour, the fire put itself out. We discovered that Gagoo had left a meat fork in the oven. The handle had burnt off. My initial response was that now I knew what to buy her for Christmas, but she quickly replied that I'd never find another one like this. It was an antique. We put the smoldering fork in the sink, waited for the laughter to subside, and continued our work.

Soon Gagoo asked me to check on the rolls that were in the oven. She was afraid that the bottoms were burning. I opened the oven door and saw that the tops of the rolls were burnt. I figured the whole darn roll had to be burnt too, but when we took one out, we saw that the bottoms weren't even done. We checked the corn pudding which was also in the oven and saw that the top of it was burnt too. We eventually realized that Gagoo had set the oven on broil. I'm beginning to question her sanity.

At some point I ran home to put on clean clothes (that were still a little damp). Soon the rest of the family (minus Kim's crew) showed up. We ate lunch, did some crafts (ok, I did some crafts with Quincy and Erin), and waited for the egg hunt. Gagoo had told me earlier that I didn't have to hunt eggs if I didn't want to. So when it came time for the egg hunt, I volunteered to help hide the eggs. Gagoo said, "No! You have to find them!" So I sat patiently and waited for my instructions. Now, in order to fully appreciate an Easter egg hunt at Gagoo's, you really have to be there, but I'll do my best to describe it. Gagoo has a huge assortment of plastic eggs. She rarely buys new ones. Each grandchild gets 12 of a certain type of egg. For example, I was to find all the green eggs, Winston's eggs looked like various types of balls, and Owen had camo eggs. It isn't always that straightforward though. Katie's eggs were a variety of colors, but had swirls or dots on them. Nicholas was to find all the shiny eggs, but not the green shiny eggs because those were mine. Maggie's eggs were all different colors, but had faces on them. Half the time we weren't even sure if the eggs we found were really our own. This year was a little different. About 10 of our eggs had numbers in them. We had to take the number to my mom, who would then give us the prize corresponding to that number. It was fun!

Next was the kids' turn to hide our parents' bags. We decided to play a trick on them. We got an extra bag, filled it with rocks, wrote "GOTCHA!" on it, and put it in plain sight on top of the floodwall. Then we let the parents loose. I always hide Mom's in an easy spot, but she always has to have help to find it. I think she really would have found it on her own this time if Dad hadn't gotten to it first. J.T. was the one that took the floodwall bait. He ran all the way to the top, saw what it said, and sent it flying over the floodwall.

Aside from some minor family drama and my mom not feeling well, it was a great Easter. I'm sad that I won't get to spend much time with my family this summer, and can't wait til the next family get-together.

Warning: Complete Breakdown Ahead

I don't want to sound like a negative Nancy, but I've got to let this out. You don't have to read it, you don't have to comment. I just need to vent. I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown. Not the sobbing, depressed kind, but the maniacal, hysterical kind. I am completely and utterly overwhelmed with life right now. I'm not depressed or anything like that. I'm just STRESSED. I'm gonna list the reasons why:

1) School- OMG we have so much busy work to get done. In fact, tomorrow I have 2 case studies and an article review due for 1 class. Not to mention an assignment that was due tonight that I didn't turn in. I haven't even STARTED on any of them. I'm slacking BIG TIME. Lately I haven't even been turning assignments in on time. I know the ones I can turn in late without consequences so I wait until the last possible minute then half-ass them and turn them in. I haven't skipped any classes yet, but I seriously consider it everyday.

2) Clinic- Ok, clinic really is easy. It's probably the highlight of my school life right now. But it's still stressful because I have a TON of paperwork to do. Right now I have 5 SOAP notes (which are basically session summary reports) to turn in by Friday at noon. To do 2 of those, I have to watch the videos of my sessions. I also have to email one of my client's parents with reminders for what they need to be doing.

3) Summer school- UGH. I'm stressing out about it because no one really knows what's going on.

4) THESIS- I have been working on my thesis since the beginning of the semester and am still right where I started. My thesis mentor is NO HELP AT ALL. She basically told me she didn't know what to do and referred me to another professor in a different department. That other professor never got back with me. So here I am, on my own. Anytime I ask my mentor a question, she never even answers it, but sort of dances around it. I was talking to one of my clinic supervisors about it and he told me I would basically have to shoulder more responsibility than most thesis students have to. Today, I almost had a mini-breakdown when talking to my old advisor about my thesis. She helped me more in 5 minutes than my thesis mentor has helped me in 3 months. So now, I have to start meeting with her on the side to get some real help. Also, since I'm on the thesis track, I have to register for the thesis class (which is not really a class) each semester until I'm finished. In addition to that, I have to take 2 electives on top of the regular program courses. Everyone else has to take these electives too, but until I'm finished with my thesis, I can't take the electives because that would put me with an overload of hours and they don't allow that. So basically, I'll be graduating in July of 2010 when the rest of my class (except the other 2 thesis students) will be graduating in May 2010. My thesis mentor said there is no way around that, but my old advisor said she would find a way. I really hope she can.

5) Externships- We're starting to make decisions about what setting we want to do first (school or medical) and what location we prefer. It's such a big decision. I have to make sure I'm ready to handle whichever one I choose. I chose school because I think it'll be easier and I'm more comfortable there. I'm already stressing out about it.

6) Money- I know I have loans and I can get more, but it freaks me out to see my bank account dwindling without ever bringing more in (except for the big loan checks, but I know I have to pay all that back plus some). It scares me that I won't be able to have another job until I get my for real, big girl job. Thank GOD SLPs make decent money. I've applied for one scholarship, but I don't think it's much money. I have another scholarship application due on Monday and I haven't had time to work on it. I'm dreading writing another essay on why I want to pursue grad school, because at the moment I'm not even sure why.

7) Family- No worries, Mom and Dad, this isn't really a BAD stress. I consider myself lucky to be away from Maysville right now. There is so much drama going on with my family we could easily be in a soap opera (except for the fact that no one has been in a coma, although I believe a certain husband of a certain aunt might be in one if Mom gets a hold of him). I still worry about my family constantly, especially since I won't be there over the summer to help out.

8) Social life- Well, not too much to stress out about here other than the fact that I don't have one. I live for my weekends with Katie and Megan. That and the thought of Megan living here this summer is what keeps me going. Outside of once a month visits with Katie and Megan, I have no social life. I barely even talk to Alison unless it's about who's going to take the trash out and whether the rent got paid. I can't wait to have Megan to talk to and have fun with this summer.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm feeling better already so I'm going to stop. I know that none of this is really that bad. It could be a lot worse. I'm just so overwhelmed, particularly with school. I need to figure out a way to get back on track and stop being such a slacker. Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, and I can't wait for the weekend!!! I'm totally pumped and promise to leave all of this negative energy in Richmond.

P.S. As I was writing this, I was constantly distracted by the shadow on my wall of a huge moth that's stuck in my light fixture.

Killer Whale

Wait...didn't I already have a post with the same title. Yes, yes I did. You know why?! Because I'm a weirdo who dreams about being attacked by killer whales. Come on now! This is getting ridiculous! What's with all the freaking killer whale dreams?

So when I was home last weekend, I had a dream that I was at the beach with Mom and Hailey. There was a shallow part of the water that extended out a couple feet then suddenly dropped off to this super deep part. Well, Hailey and Mom were out hanging onto the ledge of the deep part. I was in with them, but decided that since there was no lifeguard, I should get out and watch for sharks. I vividly remember saying "I'm gonna go be the lifeguard." I hoisted myself out of the water. Just as I turned to scan the beach, I saw a huge shark fin right behind Hailey. I screamed for them to get out, but they didn't listen. All of a sudden I realized it was a killer whale. It swallowed a little boy whole then turned toward Mom and Hailey. I ran to the ledge they were on and grabbed Mom's arm. She grabbed onto Hailey and I pulled them both out of the water with only one arm! I didn't get them out in time though. The killer whale jumped up onto the beach and bit Hailey's toe off. I screamed "NO!!!" (probably for real out loud) and jumped between Hailey and the killer whale. It bit my entire foot off before I escaped. I wasn't worried about myself. I ran (I'm not sure how) over to Hailey and yelled to my Dad (who had suddenly appeared) that Hailey's toe was a couple feet away down the beach. He grabbed it and someone sewed it back on. They also found my foot and sewed it back on. I could see these huge black stitches all around my ankle and Hailey's toe. I kept telling her over and over again that she was still perfect. Then I woke up.

So guys, tell me what in the heck this dream means! Why am I dreaming about killer whales? This is absolutely NUTS! It's not like I've been thinking about them or anything and these two dreams were MONTHS apart. Am I really that crazy?

How could a little blog mean so much?

I just realized how much this stupid blog means to me. Obviously it's a great way to stay in touch with two of my favorite people in the world. It gives us a chance to keep each other updated on what's going on in our lives when we're not able to tell each other in person or on the phone. It gives me a chance to tell them how I'm feeling without worrying about sounding corny, like now for example. Yeah, it means a lot to me to be able to read their blogs and leave comments. It also means a lot to read the comments they leave for me. But I think the thing that means the most to me about this blog is probably the thing that most people would consider insignificant or even annoying. That annoying traffic feed that shows the world that I check my blog about 50 times a day...that's what means the most to me. You see, not only does it say Richmond, KY up to 20 times a day, but it also says Fairfield, OH and Louisville, KY just as much. It means so much to me that the girls check so often to see if any of us have blogged. To me, it shows how much they care. Yeah, I know a lot of it is habit. I have my set list of websites I check multiple times a day...email accounts, weather, blogs... but it still makes me feel good to see that they've visited my blog. It especially makes me feel good when I know that Katie has read (or at least skimmed) my posts because she usually has to hear the whole boring story over the phone before I even post it on here.

I think what made me realize how much that stupid traffic feed means to me is the fact that Megan is home for spring break this week and hasn't read our blogs. There has been no Louisville, KY in my traffic feed. There has been no comment aside from my own on the TWO blogs Katie has posted recently. Two blogs in that short amount of time is a lot for Katie!!! It makes me happy that she's posted so much. When Megan sees it, she'll be proud. Keep the posts coming Katie!!! Anyway, I would feel the same way if I didn't see Fairfield, OH on my traffic feed too. It's just a good feeling to know that they care. So girls, I'm not taking down that feed. I don't care if it shows the world that I visit my own blog 50 times a day. Just keep coming so I know you're there!

Put a little grease on me and call me Bob the Mechanic...

...cuz I just fixed my car all by myself!


For those of you who don't know (by this, I mean Megan) I had a really crappy week this week. A bunch of little things just started adding up and I was on the verge of a breakdown. One of my biggest issues this week has been my car. You've already (probably) read about my experience at the gas station on Sunday. Well, on Wednesday, I went out to my car to drive to class and discovered that my rear-view mirror had fallen off and was just dangling there. Also on Wednesday, an old man stopped me to tell me that one of my brake lights was out. Well, I had already told my dad about the brake light over Christmas break but it didn't get fixed. Then on Thursday, the "service engine soon" light came on.

So, after realizing that I was heading for a breakdown, not just over my car but life in general, I decided that I need to turn this car around (figuratively speaking). I need to get my life heading in the right direction. Sooooo I've decided to make a few changes so I can get out of this funk I'm in. The first step was to fix my car. So, I headed off to Wal-Mart in search of super glue. I felt a little out of place (ok, maybe A LOT out of place) in the car section at Wal-Mart, but I was finally able to locate a rear-view mirror repair kit. I bought that bad boy for 97 cents (along with some summer melon car air freshener) and headed home to start my repairs. I followed the directions carefully, making sure to put the mirror back on in the right place because the label said that nothing can get it off once it's on. Well, somehow my arm slipped, the mirror moved, and I didn't get it moved back in time. The glue dried while the mirror was still in my hand. So I went back and bought another one (this time for $2.97...not sure why the price jumped that much for the exact same product) and tried again. I haven't looked yet to see if it's still stuck on there, but I think I fixed it!!!! Next on the list is to see if I can replace the brake light myself. I've been told that with Aleros it's really hard to do yourself because you have to go in through the trunk, so I may end up having to take it somewhere. But anyway, I was really proud of myself for fixing the mirror by myself. I know it's not a huge deal, but it's a step in the right direction for me.

Now on to the bigger changes! I can't wait to get my life going the way I want it to. Stay tuned for more updates on the newer (ok maybe not newer), better me.